****************************************

platypus3333

platypus3333@yahoo.com

This is the chapter where everything starts getting deranged. REALLY deranged.

****************************************

Pokemon: Trainers

****************************************

Part 5: It Gets Worse

****************************************

Ash was twitching nervously. "Um…"

"Yeth?" Misty leaned in closer and smiled.

"Um, Misty, you're not exactly using you judgement right now…" 'Where the heck is Pikachu?! Oh, yeah…I gave him a vacation at the PokeVillage resort…'

"I feel fine…" She started grinning and bared her teeth.

Ash's personalities were dueling again. Stud Ash was slowly becoming the victor. 'Go for it, you idiot! This is a once in a lifetime chance!!!'

Wuss Ash was slowly succumbing. 'No…I…can't…she is hot…no…'

'Haha! Bow down to my grand studliness! HAHAHAHA!'

'No…NO!'

Ash's eyes bugged out as Misty began passionately kissing him. "MMPH! MMM GGG!"

…Let's leave those two now, and go on to the main characters…

****************************************

"…Yeah, those two won't get anywhere soon. They're too responsible." Jim was looking at the variety of Pokemon foods on the counter.

"What if they're drunk?" Bob was trying to open a can with a rock.

"Which one can you imagine drunk?"

"Well, I dunno, we don't know them that well…"

"Yeah, no kidding, except that time we accidentally walked in on her taking a bath…"

"You got beat for that…"

"It wasn't my fault! What kind of person bathes in a #$*# pond?!"

"She does apparently."

"No kidding."

"Uh huh."

"So what are we gonna do today?"

"I guess we'll update out meager amount of--"

"GET THEM!" Jim spun as a blue-haired man leapt at him.

"What the--?" He dodged to the side.

"D'oh! Jesse, get them!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?" James turned. "Aw, no…"

"You're under arrest!" Officer Jenny walked up to them. "Anything you do or say can and will be used against you in a court of law!"

"Run! OW!" Jenny began beating him with a nightstick. She then spun and made a round-house kick to Jesse, stepping on Meowth's tail on the way down.

"Resisting arrest, huh? That's another offense!" She kneed him in the crotch and started whacking him in the arm.

"Hey! Ow! Ow!"

Jim walked up. "I think that's enough…"

"What? Who are you?"

"Um, just another trainer…I think James is willing to go to jail now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh. Ok!" She got up and handcuffed him to the handle of the truck. Then she turned. "I've been after those 3 for 6 years. And I WON!!!" She started cackling with glee.

"…" 'Oh my God…police brutality…and she's insane…and her green hair is NATURAL. Whoa. Scary.'

Bob walked up. "Oh, hi. What's up?"

"She just caught Team Rocket."

"Oh. Where to now?"

"I could use a drink. Or something to cool me down…"

"Oh. How about ice cream?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Ok."

"Geez."

…Now back to Ash and Misty…

****************************************

Oops. Apparently Misty had found some more of Mrs. Ketchum's "medicine." She had used it on Ash. Oh dear. Looks like they did something that Nintendo will have to pay lots of money to cover up. Looks like the author is going to be the victim of some hitmen soon. Oh no. Back to the situation:

Ash and Misty were lying in a ditch. Theirs hands were in interesting places. On each other. Next to them was a bottle of "medicine." Or 7. It was morning. They were fully clothed. Guess they passed out before anything happened.

****************************************

Jim was sitting on a bench outside an ice-cream parlor, next to Bob. "That was weird."

"Very weird."

"Definitely."

"About as weird as this fic." Bob turned to find Jim staring at him. "What?"

"…Never mind."

"Ok."

"This is boring."

"No kidding."

"Really boring."

"If we don't do something soon the author is gonna nuke us."

"Bob, we ARE NOT in a piece of writing."

"Yeah, we are! And a damned bad one too!"

"Oh. Ok." 'Whoa, he's gone insane…'

"So what do you wanna do?"

"We need more pokemon…"

"Oh. Ok." They got up and left.

…Since I don't really like Jim and Bob, back to Ash and Misty…

****************************************

Ash woke up. "Ow…my head…wha?!" He looked over at the sleeping form of Misty and his eyes bugged out. "Oh, NO!" Then he noticed that he was fully clothed. "Oh, that's a relief…"

Misty woke up. "What is?"

"That we didn't do anything rash."

She propped up her head on her arm. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, we're fully clothed…"

"Your pants are on backwards."

Ash stared in horror. "A--"

"Made ya look." She started giggling.

"Man…Misty…" He looked at her, annoyed. "Jeez, don't scare me like that!"

"Hehehehe…you should've seen the look on your face!"

"Man…" Ash sat back. "There is one consolation, though."

"What?"

"At least there's nothing to regret forgetting."

"Pervert!" She smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!"

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J

****************************************

The author looked up.

<Oh, look. Nintendo won't have to hire hitmen after all. Isn't that a relief? …What's that sound? Wait a minute…who the hell are you guys? Hey! Put that thing away! I changed the story! Hey! PUT DOWN THE WEAPON! I'm not kidding, man! There are like 53 witnesses! You can't do this! Back off! BACK OFF! I CHANGED THE STORY! I CHANGED THE STORY! NO! NOOOOOOOO!>

****************************************

Bob looked up. "What was that?"

Jim shrugged. "Nothing. Now where was that Pokemon?"

"No, I heard something. It was…weird." He turned to his brother. "Jim, Nintendo sent hitmen to kill the author!"

"Are you nuts?!"

"No, I swear! They shot him several times!"

****************************************

<Need…Aspirin…no…can't stop now…nooo…need to…warn the world…Nintendo…mind-control…domination…through the children of the future…must…warn…the wooorld…>

****************************************

"There! Did you hear that?!"

Jim frowned. "No, I didn't hear anything…"

"…Never mind. Come on." They headed toward the forest.

****************************************

<Dying…one last hope for the future…tap the keys…> The author did so, and a small dimensional portal opened next to Jim and Bob, bringing 4 Parallel Worlds Neon Genesis Evangelion characters in.

****************************************

Jim jumped. "What the HECK?" He watched as 4 people came out.

One of them looked around. "Where the hell is this?"

"Shut up, baka! This is all your fault!" A red-head hit him.

"What is happening?" A blue haired girl started looking around. "Where are we?"

The last person looked around. "Uh…this looks like that crap television show with OW!" He turned and looked around. Then he looked at his foot. "What the bloody heck is this?!"

Jim decided to talk. "That's a Pikachu."

The boy stared. "The hell it is! Get off, you little bugger!" He picked it up and punted it into the horizon. Then a superhero called Captain Sergeant caught it and flew back.

"HEY! WHY ARE YOU ABUSING LITTLE RODENT THINGS??!"

"I'll abuse whatever the hell I like!" The boy walked up. Then he challenged the superhero to a swimming contest at a nearby lake. The lake was blue. The boy walked onto the platform. It was the championships. The boy would win. Then he pulled out a progressive knife and stabbed Captain Sergeant in the leg. Unfortunately, the Captain was from the planet OOP AOWAGA, which meant that his heart was located in his left leg. He collapsed. After this was done the boy knelt over the superhero.

"You…"

"Yes, master!"

"You will train the boy…he is the one…"

"Yes, master!" Then the fallen knight died, and the boy got up and walked over to the other boy, where he said, "Your first assignment is to kill that ##$#( annoying Gungan."

The boy responded affirmatively and took out a light-saber. "Annoying be you!" Then he chopped the Gungan's ears off and kicked him into the lake, where the alien evolved into a Gyrados and got more power. Gyrados came back up, splashing water all over the place.

"Meesa Gy Gy Binx!" Then he crushed the boy with his coils.

Then the mentor boy took a light-saber and threw it at Binx. Binx died quickly and they all cheered because Binx died quickly. Then the mentor boy pulled the light-saber out of the dead monster's tongue and screamed his defiance:

"<Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored><Censored>!!!!"

Then the boy started waving his hand and shoving people with the energies that were produced when he waved his hand, then he smiled and walked to the others. He grabbed the queen and kissed her passionately, saying, "He was too young for you anyway!" Then the other boy came back to life and in a jealous rage attacked, but the mentor boy waved his hand and shoved his student into the lava pit which had magically appeared next to them, and the other boy was horribly physically and mentally scarred forever and ever and ever. Then the mentor picked up the smiling queen and waved to his fellow Power Rangers to go back in the portal. They went into the portal and it disappeared.

****************************************

Jim blinked. "What the bloody hell just happened?!"

Bob shrugged. "It was really weird."

"No kidding."

****************************************

Nintendo decided to wipe out every trace of the author. Ignore everything you just read and go back to the space marked by this:

J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J

…And then skip down to here. Ignore the entire passage involving the author. This story will make a WHOLE lot more sense if you do that.

****************************************

Ash rubbed his head. "What was that for?"

Misty smiled. "Just because."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So when do you wanna start back home?"

"How will we get there?"

"Walking, I guess."

"Maybe we could hitchhike."

"Yeah." Ash stood up and stuck his hand out, thumb toward Veridian. He whistled. A car passed by. Another passed by. Then a truck. Then a motorcycle gang. Then 4 more cars. Then a mini-van. Then a trailer. "What the hell?"

"You just have no talent. Watch." Misty stood up, and walked next to him. She stuck out her thumb and smiled. A car whizzed by, splashing her with the contents of a puddle. "…"

"Heh. Heh. Heh."

"What are you laughing at?"

"I just realized we could fly."

Misty stared at him. "…"

"Yeah. I've got a Pidgeot." Ash flicked the ball open. "There we go."

"…Idiot! Then why did you make me go through that??!"

"Because it was funny."

"…"

"Heh. Heh heh."

* Whack *

"Ow..wha wa tha foh?"

"Guess…Man, you are SUCH an idiot! I'm beginning to regret--"

Ash stopped rubbing his jaw. "Regret what?"

"None of your business!" She snapped. Then she softened. "If you're VERY nice to me, I'll describe in detail."

"Describe what?"

She turned away. "Idiot." She got onto the Pidgeot.

"No, seriously, what?" Ash yelped as she pulled him on.

"Pallet." It obediently flew off into the night.

END PART 5