What If.....

the writers of Pokémon desided to switch themes....constantly?

Ash, Misty and Brock were all sitting at a table outside a restaurant. It was a lovely day and they were waiting to see the script. It was Jessie and Pikachu's turn to get it. Meowth was late, as usual. James walked out of the shop with two cups of coffe, he handed one to Brock.

"Thanks, I can't beleive I forgot my wallet at home today." Brock said.

"Don't sweat it. Just remember, tommorow the java's on you." James replied. Brock nodded.

"How was Star Wars Ash?" Misty asked.

"It was awesome! If we had a special effect budged like that, we'd stay on the air for years!" he exclaimed. The other three seemed impressed.

"Were those light-saber duels everything they say?" James asked.

"Why are you asking? You and Jessie have tickets for tonight don't you?" Misty cut in.

"We do... but I like knowing what's going to happen in a movie before I see it!"

"But that takes all the fun out of it!" Brock said. James smiled.

"If I know the plot, I won't have to worry about missing anything good while my attention is... diverted." everyone laughed and Brock congratulated James on a well thought out date plan. Just then Jessie and Pikachu burst in, panting from the run. The others rise.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked.

"It's.... the.... script..." Jessie managed between breaths. Ash and Brock helped her to a seat while James lifted Pikachu and gave it some water. Misty took the script and read the outline. Her eyes widened, she couldn't believe it. She read it again.

"Oh shit!" She yelled, slamming the script down. The coffee spilled all over the table. Misty leaned over the table and hung her head.

"What is it?" James asked. Ash picked up the script and read it.

"No..." he whispered.

"What is it, Ash!" Brock demanded. Ash looked at his co-worker.

"They're going to try out new gimmicks on us!" Ash blurted out.

"What do you mean?" James said, he wasn't paying as much attention since he was worried about Jessie, but she seemed okay now so he focused on Ash.

"Gimmicks, parodies, you know....." He thought about it a moment, trying to think of an example. he found one " like those Mel Brooks movies, Spaceballs and Robin hood: Men in Tights." Brock and James smacked their faces in disbelief.

"Why?" Brock said.

"The head writer went insane after his son started acting like a Bulbasaur at his eighth birthday party," Jessie clarified "without him the other writers have no clue how to write a pokemon story, so they made parodies for us to play."

Pikachu jabbered a few words in his language.

"His says the new head writer wouldn't know his dick from a pencil if his wife ever asked." Ash translated.

"There's a difference?" Misty huffed. Everyone looked at her funny, then James and Ash backed away from her. The classic sweat mark appeared on her head. "What’s the first job?" she said, trying to change the subject. Ash turned the page and started reading:

"Captain Ash-luc Picard of the federation starship Poképrize...." he read. Suddenly the pleasent little restaurant was gone and they were on a reasonable facsimile of the famous ship. Ash was in the captains seat, Brock was second in command, Misty was apparently the counselor, James(covered in white paint) appeared to be the popular android, and Jessie was at the helm. Ash looked around a moment.

"Where's Pikachu?" he asked. he looked to his left and noticed Misty staring at him. "What!?"

"Forget Pikachu, what happened to your hair?" she asked. Ash clutched his head and realized he was bald!

"Oh, no! This Picard guy is bald!" he groaned. He stopped whining after a while and set his mind back to his task. "How can I find Pikachu?"

"Ask the computer." James said. He looked really stupid in the white paint.

"I can do that?"

"Of course, try it."

"Okay. Computer," their was an odd beeping noise. Ash guessed that meant it had heard him. "Where is Pikachu?"

"Lt. Commander Pika Laforge is in main engineering." a synthetic female voice answered. Everyone made and odd face at the thought of the small rodent trying to climb onto a console to work. James shook his head and tapped the odd symbol pinned to his shirt.

"Lt. Commander James to engineering." James said. Before them a giant screen suddenly lit up and Pikachu was displayed. He had the oddest thing covering his eyes...

"This is engineering, what can I do for you?" Pikachu said. Everyone but James was stunned to hear the rodent speak.

"Since when do you speak English, Pikachu?" Brock asked. James shook his head in dismay.

"Don't you guy's know anything? " he pointed to a small device in his ear. "This is a universal translator. It translates any language you hear into the language your most familiar with." The 'crew' shot James a dirty look. "What?"

"I had no clue you were a trekkie James!" Jessie said. They all began laughing.

"Maybe pokemon has become the final frontier." Ash added

" Our thirty minute mission...." Misty began. She was remembering the opening from when her classmates were trekkies.

"To seek out new gyms and new pokelizations..." Pikachu added. He watched the old episodes on the Sci-Fi channel from time to time.

" 'To boldly capture what no one has capture before!' " Brock finished. The laughter reached new heights at the last statement. It got louder when Pikachu laughed so hard he fell of the console he was standing on. James was turning red under the paint when his console beeped. He looked at it and managed (easily) to figure it out.

"Captain Ash." He said in a sarcastic tone. The others struggled to regain composure.

"What?" Ash said. He was still snickering.

"Three Romulan Warbirds de-cloaking off the port bow." James said. Everyone busted out laughing again, until the deck lurched under their feet. The laughing stopped.

"What the hell was that?" Jessie asked.

"I told you, three Romulan Warbirds." James said with a smug look on his face. He looked at Ash. "Your orders Captain?"

"Uh.... Can’t we talk this out?" Ash asked. Their was an odd sound like a distant doorbell.

"They have not responded to our hails, Captain." A man said. Everyone swung around to see a large black man with odd ridges on his forehead.

"Who the hell are you?" Misty demanded. The deck lurched again. The man stood at attention.

"Lt. Worf, Cheif of security." he answered. The ship was nailed by another barrage.

"Cut!" Brock said. The dramatic music died and the ship stopped moving. "You're not from our cast!"

"I am aware of that. Your writers decided that I would make and excellent addition to your team in this episode." Worf explained. Everyone looked really pissed off. Ash pulled out his contract and read it quickly.

"Their!" he handed it to Worf. "Read section 4, paragraph 2." Worf looked over the paper till he found the spot Ash mentioned. He read it aloud.

"No member of the cast of Pokémon is to be staged in a life threatening situation with any character not owned by the Nintendo Corporation." Worf grumbled. "Very well..." A sudden bright flash engulfed the man and he was transformed into Onix. "Better?" he asked.

"Much." Jessie said.

"Okay people, roll it!" Brock cried. The ship lurched again, then a picture appeared on the screen.

"This is Gary, of the Romulan ship Master, surrender or be destroyed." Gary oak said. One of the few things that the pokemon cast had in common with their rolls was that Ash and Gary hated each other.

"Man, this type casting is the pits." James said. Gary shot him a glare.

"Ash, you're captain? Ha" Gary said.

"Get him off my screen!" Ash shouted. James hit some keys and the image vanished. The ship lurched again.

"Shields at sixty percent and falling." Wor.... er... Onix reported. Ash tapped the communicator on his chest.

"We need more power, Pikachu!" he said.

"I'm working on it!" the pokemon answered. Pikachu jumped onto the massive consol and looked in disbelief. There were hundreds of buttons! He shrugged and pressed about thirty of them. The computer's voice came on:

"Warp-core ejection in thirty seconds. twenty-nine, twenty-eight.." Pikachu slapped his forehead. He called James.

"James, what's a Warp-core?" Pikachu asked.

"It's what lets the ship go faster than light. It also powers the ship, without it we'd be dead in space."

"Crap."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRAP!?" everyone shouted. Pikachu covered his ears a second.

"Don't worry, I can fix it." Pikachu said. He hit a few more controls and the voice came back.

"Count down terminated." Pikachu sighed in relieve. A bunch of sirens went off and the giant blue thing Pikachu was looking at got shot into space.

"Crap." he said again.

On the Bridge the light flickered and went out. Ash called Pikachu.

"You screwed up, didn't you?" he said.

"I wasn't trained for this you know." Pikachu retorted.

"Just try anything." James said. "This is Star Trek. If the main engineer of the starring ship tries something, it's guaranteed to work."

"Okay.." Pikachu said. He grabbed a wire that he saw in the wall and started running electricity into it. The lights came back on.

"Can this thing shoot?" Brock asked.

"Duh." James answered.

"Well, shoot everything we've got!" Ash ordered.

"Aye, sir." Onix said. The once-man-now-rock-pokemon reared back his head and slammed it into the console. On the screen a series of red beams and red orbs flew at the other ships, destroying them. There was a stunned silence.

"That's it?" Misty asked.

"Yes. The enemy has been defeated." Onix said. The world fades out and the cast is back at the cafe they started at. They looked at one another.

"That was weird." Jessie said. Brock sat in a chair.

"I'm just glad it's over. Now we can go back to normal work."

"Not quite, Brock." Ash said.

"What do you mean?" Ash handed the script to Brock. Brock started laughing.

"What is it now?" James asked.

"We... We're... going....Ha! Ha!" Brock stuttered.

"We're going to be on some show called 'Married with Children'. I wonder what it's about?" Ash said. James and Jessie started laughing too. Misty, Ash, and Pikachu were confused. Before the confused trio could get any answers, the world turned black.