"A Midsummer's nightmare."

This fic will probably get a little.... Vulgar. If that bugs you, feel free not to read it.

It contains extremely foul language and very adult situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Also feel free to send any comments to me. (Hold the flames. If you didn't like it, don't read my stuff.)

After Ash got the earth Badge, he needed to wait a year to sign in for the Pokemon League tournament. As luck would have it, Team rocket's interference had caused him to arrive at Pokemon League one day late. The only good news was that Gary Oak hadn't been able to enter this year either. (His car slammed into a tree and he would rather wait a year than WALK to the Pokemon League.) With all this free time, Ash and company decided to visit their families together. They had already visited with Misty's family and were currently in Pewter City. Brock had called his dad ahead of time and discovered he had a new mom!

"A new mom? That has to stink." Ash said.

"I know. She'll probably say that she wants to be my friend or something." Brock said.

"Cheer up Brock, It can't be that bad." Misty said.

"She has a kid." Ash and Misty winced.

"A half brother.... Congratulations...." Ash said. Brock shot him a warning look. They arrived at Brock's home around seven that night.

"Dad! Are you here!?" Brock shouted. Brock's father walked up to him from the kitchen. Father and Son hugged. "How are you dad?"

"I'm great son. I'm sorry to do this but can I ask a favor of you and your friends?"

"Of course you can!" Misty butted in. Brock's father smiled.

"Your new brother and three of his friends want to go camping. I just don't have time, so could you fellows take them?" Brock sighed, 'Maybe it won't be so bad....' he thought.

"Okay I'm in." Brock said.

"If Brock goes, I go." Ash said. Misty frowned.

"I'll go. But only because I'd worry about you guy's if I didn't."

"Excellent! Eric, your new big brother will take you and your friends camping now!" Brock's dad cried out. There was the sound of a small stamped barging down the stairs. Four odd looking children stopped before Brock and His friends.

"Which one of you is.... Eric?" Brock said. 'What a weird name' he thought. A short, fat kid with a hat on stepped forward.

"I am Eric." He pointed to a kid with a blue jacket and red hat on. "This is Stan," He pointed to the next kid who had a brown hunting jacket and a green hat with earflaps. "Kyle," the final kid wore an orange hooded jacket with the hood drawn over most of his face. "And Kenny. Kenny is poor so don't ask him to pitch in for grocery’s." Kenny kicked Eric.

"Nice to meet you." Ash said. Pikachu stuck his head out of Ash's bag and looked at the kids.

"Pika?" It said.

"What the hell is that!" Eric yelled.

"Damn it Cartman, it's a pokemon. they live on this island remember?" Stan said.

"Cartman?" Misty asked.

"That's what we call him. He hates being called Eric." Kyle said.

(Oh crap, I guess I shouldn't have used Eric, should I.... Oh well, to late now. Back to the story!)

"Damn straight I hate it! Eric has such a dumb ring to it!" Cartman yelled.

"Mmmphhh hmm phmm mhhh hmphhhh." Kenny said.

"You would wanna be called that!" Cartman answered. Stan and Kyle laughed. Ash, Misty, Brock, Brock's dad, and Pikachu sweatdropped.

"Let's get going." Brock said. The group headed into the forest, Cartman and his friends arguing the whole way. Some how, Brock had gotten Ash and Misty to agree to watch the kids without him for a while. Something about Onix, a lack of food, and Ash-and-Misty kabobs.

"Shut up, fat ass!" Kyle said.

"I'm not fat, I'm just well insulated from the elements!" Cartman countered.

"Mhhmp hmmm phmm mhmpphhhh." Kenny said.

"What!? I would never do that to a tent post!" Cartman said.

"How old are you guy's?" Ash asked.

"We're 8." Kyle said.

"How the hell old are you?" Cartman said.

"I just turned eleven." Ash answered.

"Oooohhhhh, so have you made sweet, sweet love to the girl yet?" Cartman said.

"What!?" Ash and Misty asked as one.

"You know, boinked her, knocked her up, divide and conquer, asked 'Who's your daddy'!" Ash turned red and couldn't move. Misty was equally shocked.

"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT WITH HIM!" She screamed. Cartman smiled.

"Cool. How about us? Four eight year olds on an eleven year old sounds fair, right guys?"

"Cool!" Stan said.

"Kick ass!" Kyle added.

"Mhhmphh hmmm mhmpphhh hmph hmm?" Kenny asked.

"No way, that's a waste of barbecue sauce, we can use ketchup though." Cartman answered.

"HEE HEEEE!" Kenny said. He leapt into Misty's arms. Misty turned scarlet.

"Hey! It was my idea, I go first." Cartman anounced. Kenny shrugged and jumped down. Cartman jumped into her arms and rested his head on her chest. "Be gentle..." Misty dropped Cartman, whipped a hammer out of now where and nailed Cartman with it. He fell to the ground with a thud. The hammer vanished.

"Dude, what the hell was that?" Kyle asked.

"I dunno." Stan replied.

"That hurt, god damn it! What the fuck is your problem, bitch!" Cartman screamed.

"My problem is that you’re a bunch of perverts! And where did you learn to talk like that?"

"Our show gives late night on Comedy Central. We can say just about anything." Kyle informed her. Misty seemed interested.

"Really?"

"Dude, really. Listen to this song from our movie." Stan said. He whipped out a cassette player and player Terrence and Phillips 'Shut your Fucking mouth Uncle Fucker." Misty froze.

"You can talk like that?" Ash asked.

"Sure, our censors can be bribed." Cartman said.

"You know, you two can swear too." Kyle said.

"No we can't. The censors would destroy us." Misty said.

"Come on, try! This isn't a show, it's a story some geek with no life is writing on some out-of-date-peice-of-shit computer!" Stan said.

(What!?! My computer is not out of date you god damn mother &$#%ing, @$% sucking peices of @#%$!!!

Oh, sure, now the censors arrive.)

"Come on, try!" Kyle prompted. Misty struggled but then:

"I just can't do it!" She said. She stomped her foot in aggravation, accidentally crushing Ash's foot.

"THAT FUCKING HURT!" Ash cried out.

"Ash, you swore!"

"Damn right I did, bitch. Don't ever do that again!"

"Hey! Don't call me a bitch, you shit sucking donkey fucker!"

"Are you getting all this?" Kyle said.

"Oh yeah, every detail..." Cartman answered. He had gotten a camcorder and was filming the two.

"Well maybe if your dick was as hard as your head, you’d get some girls!" Misty continued.

"I'll bet you know a lot about getting girl in bed!"

"BASTARD!"

"WHORE!"

"VAS DEFERANCE!" Cartman cut it. Ash and Misty blinked then:

"Vas deference?"

"Hmmp mphh hm mhph phmmm."

"Oh." Ash said. The argument stopped there, but Ash and Misty were still angry at each other.

"Let's just camp here. It's far enough into the woods." Misty said. They set camp and ate. After dinner, Ash said:

"I think I forgot something...."

"What, your copy of crack whore magazine?" Cartman asked.

"He doesn’t want to see your mom, Cartman!" Kyle said.

"Hey! That was just one Issue, You damn Jew!" Cartman said. Ash wasn't listening as the two kids started a brawl with each other.

"What could I have forgotten Pikachu? Pikachu? Oh Shit!"

****(Meanwhile, on a plane bound for Jamaica:)****

"We did it! We finally captured Pikachu!" James said. Pikachu was in a small, electric proof cage.

"Now I can do something I've always wanted to do to you..." Jessie said as her hand moved into her bag. She put on a pair of rubber gloves. Pikachu began to shake. She unclasped his cage and grabbed him firmly by the neck. She reached back into the bag and produced... A fur brush!?

(How did that get in their.... oh well.)

Jessie combed all the tangles out of Pikachu's fur, used a conditioner that would help prevent future tangles, and brushed Pikachus teeth. She produced a mirror and gave it to Pikachu.

"There! Now don't you look so much better?" Jessie asked.

"And don't you feel better too?" James added. Pikachu looked in the mirror and shouted out with glee. He jumped on Jessie's shoulder and nuzzled her. Jessie stroked the pokemon's head.

(Didn't see that comin' did ya'?)

****(Back at the campsite:)****

"You can't go after Pikachu now, Ash!" Misty said.

"Yeah! We need you to show us how to make smores!" Cartman said.

"Pikachu is more important than your damn sweet tooth, Cartman." Ash said. He stormed of into the dark woods, leaving Misty alone with the kids.

"I want CHOCOLATE, god damn it!" Cartman whined. Stan looked at Misty.

"I think we have something much tastier than chocolate here, Cartman." Kyle said.

"Honey roasted Pecans!?"

"No, Dumbass! Misty!" Stan said.

"Mmmp hmpp hmm phmmm." Kenny said. They all turned to him. He had Misty's bra in one hand, and a bottle of ketchup in the other.

"This is seriouslly fucked up right here...." Misty said. Stan shot her a look.

"That's my line!"

"Sorry...Bye!" Misty said. She ran as fast as possible into the woods. Kenny, Stan and Kyle started to follow but Cartman stopped them.

"You guy's, chasing her won't help. We need a plan." Cartman said.

"Like what?" Stan asked.

"Well.... What would President Clinton do in this situation?" Cartman asked.

"Have his way with her then leave incriminating evidence everywhere?" Kyle said.

"No! Well.... Yeah but that comes later." Cartman said.

"Mhphhh hm hmmmmhmm mhphhhh?"

"Were do you get this stuff Kenny?" Stan said. Kenny shrugged.

"Come on guy's think! How would a guy in a high office get a girl to do whatever he wants?" They all thought about it then shouted out in unison:

"BLACKMAIL!!!" Kenny emediatly rumaged through Misty's bag and a few moments later produced a small diary.

Misty kept running as long as she could. It was slow going in the middle of the night. It was also summer and the heat was sapping her strength. She sat on a tree stump to rest when she was sure the four child-like-demons weren't following her. As she rested a very powerful speaker system activated.

"Attention Misty! We have your diary, give us what we want or we will start reading for the whole city of Pewter to hear!" Cartman announced. Misty didn't move. 'They're bluffing' she thought. After ten minutes or so Cartman's voice returned. "Very well! You have decided to oppose our power, but you will learn the error of your ways. YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHOURITY!" There was the sound of a piece of cardboard snapping apart. "Hmmm hmm. January 2, 2045. 'My period just happened for the very first time. I can't believe anyone could lose so much blood and not die. When it happened I was in the middle of a Gym battle and my opponent forfeited the match, thinking his Raticates Swift attack had caused my bleeding." Their was the sound of a book very slowly closing. "Misty... you are a strange individual. You now have five minutes to show up at the campsite or I will personally read out loud a random page every five minutes!"

"You sick sons-of-bitches." Misty said. She started back to the campsite at top speed. The thought of them reading her personal feeling about Ash powered her flight. She got there just as they were ready to start again. "Wait! I'm here!" She cried out. They looked at her and smiled.

"So, do you respect my authority now?" Misty nodded, tears running down her face.

"I'll do anything. Just don't read anymore." Misty said.

"On you knees!" Stan ordered. Misty obeyed.

"Dudes, it's time to rock and roll!" Kyle announced. The group rushed a defeated Misty.

"Glad to have you back, Pikachu" Ash said. The small rodent was riding Ash's head as he walked back to the campsite. Pikachu hugged Ash's head. Ash laughed. "I can't believe Team rocket was dumb enough to try and leave the country on a plane with no feel!"

"Pika pi, pika chu!" (Don't ever lose me again, Asshole!)

"You know, I don't think I like this swearing thing..." Ash said. he walked into the campsite and froze. Misty was sitting on a fallen log wearing a very tight black leather outfit. She also had Black gloves that came to her elbow and a thick spiked collar. Cartman was drapped over her knees with no pants on while Misty spanked his bottom saying: "Your such a bad, bad, boy." Ash decided that swearing was definitely a good thing right now.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MISTY!" Ash screamed. That activity was one of his fantasies and a bunch of eight year olds beat him to it.

"Ash no! You'll break our deal!" Misty screamed.

"Too late Bitch! Kyle, hit it!" Cartman said, as he pulled his pants on. Kyle started.

"March 14, 2045. I met a kid in the woods today...."

"Stop!" Misty screamed. That was the day she met Ash. "Ash, please get my diary back!"

"Pidgeotto, I chose you!" Ash said as he launched the pokeball. The bird exited the ball in a flash of red light and awaited it's command. "Pidgeotto, get that book!" Ash ordered.

"It's coming right for us!" Stan cried out. He produced a shotgun and blew Pidgeotto in half.

"Kick ass!" Cartman said.

"Go, Charizard!" The mighty fire pokemon emerged. Ash had just resently succeded in controling it. "Charizard, burn that book to ash's with your flame!" Charizard released a huge wall of fire at Kyle. Kenny sprang into action. He took the book and pushed Kyle to safety. Unfortunately Kenny wasn't fast enough to escape the flames and he was stripped of all his flesh by the intense flames.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" Stan shouted.

"You bastards!" Kyle added.

"That's it, screw you guys I'm going home. Attacks by fire-breathing dragons is were I draw the line." With that. Cartman packed his things and left. Stan and Kyle soon followed. Ash and Misty were dumbfounded.

"Uh.... Thanks, Ash." Misty said.

"Any time." Ash replied.

"What do we do now?"

"I could help you out of that outfit?" Ash suggested. Misty smiled.

"How about we help each other?" She grabbed Ash by the back of the head and pulled him into a passionate kiss. The screen blacks out after a curtain was drawn.

"Dude sick!" Stan cried from the darkness.

"Kick ass!" Cartman cried.

"Sweet!" Kyle added.

"Mhhmpp hmmp phhm!"

"Not a bad idea Kenny." Stan said.

"PIKA!" Pikachu yelled as something scared him. There was the sound of its Thundershock attack.

"That hurts more when you’re naked..." Ash said.

THE END